First a little background. I want to start by saying that I always believed in magic. That is not the problem. My problem is quite the opposite actually. I believe too much, too hard. I believe with my heart and soul. I always thought I could grow up and be anything because that is what everyone was always telling me. I believed I was only limited by my own mind, my own imagination. And the problem is not that my imagination was limited, again, quite the opposite. I got through life by daydreaming. I think that is why I am a writer, really.
Next, a reason conversation with my mother explains a lot of it. She said that I was the most difficult of her children when it came to presents from Santa because I would not tell anyone what I wanted. Now as an adult I explained it to her. If Santa knew when I was asleep or awake, if he was magic enough to know when I was naughty, it should be easy for the guy to know what I REALLY wanted for Christmas. Why did I have to tell him or anybody else? I believed in his magic so much that I knew he must know what I really wanted. The problem of course is that Santa isn't real, and as hard as my parents tried, some times they missed what I REALLY wanted. It is a problem I still have today, sometimes the things or the people I believe in fall short of what I believe them to be. Sometimes I am disappointed by life, love, magic, all of it. Also, I was heartbroken when I found out it wasn't real, any of it: the Easter Bunny, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, magic, Neverland, whatever. It was all a lie. Oh, and you can't really be anything you want to be when you grow up either. You are limited by your money, your location, your talent, who you know, what you know, the economy - not just your imagination. Dreams don't always come true.
Then, my mother in this same conversation told me that she thinks it might be when my older brother started to question religion- you know, when he found out all of the above was a lie, then why not religion too? How could you believe anything you were taught, especially if you can't see it, hear it, touch it for yourself.
So now, I have a son. I want him to believe in God and love and the things that are real. I don't want to kill his spirit or his imagination. I also don't want him to think that his parents taught him falsehoods. Oh, and he is going to have enough social problems (he's my kid and I was about as nerdy as they come) so I don't want him to be the weirdo at school who tells all the kids that Santa was really a guy named St. Nick who gave presents to kids years and years ago but he never went down anybody's chimney.
So how do I resolve this? Thoughts?
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7 comments:
This might be going out on a limb, but here goes nothing.
I always believed in all of those things... Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. And my mom always taught us that these things only exist if you believe in them. And she also taught us that, just like Heavenly Father, they might know what we want, but we still have to ask to get them. I think this might've been her away around the whole "shouldn't he just know" dilemma, although I'm not sure if it was intentional or not.
And as an adult, I still believe in Santa. Not in a literal sense, but in the spirit of Santa... I believe in the concept of being good to be rewarded. That through God's blessings, I am able to be an elf of Santa Claus to my children and reward them for good behavior. Could you maybe teach the spirit of Santa in conjunction with teaching about God? The two concepts are intertwined, and I think for a good reason. Perhaps teach them that Santa is real, but that he needs help from his elves, and that sometimes you help Santa out. Similarly, if/when they give gifts to others for Christmas (like an Angel Tree or whatever), that they are being contract elf employees for Santa and helping him out so that everybody has a Merry Christmas, not just the ones he's able to reach on his sleigh.
Too much of a reach? Possibly. But hey, it's an idea. :)
wow, these are some really interesting thoughts. i never thought about belief in God vs. belief in Santa, but it makes a lot of sense that someone would question one when the other turns out to be untrue.
i remember believing in santa, but i figured he came to the front door and my parents paid him for the presents. somehow i wasn't buying the whole chimney part, and i KNEW there was no such thing as free stuff.
i think there must be some way of preserving the magic and allowing kids to use their imaginations without deceiving them. also, i want my kids to believe that they can do anything and be anything, without limitations. if we give them too big a dose of reality while they're still young enough to dream big, we'll crush that spirit out of them. so...ya, i don't really know the answer, but you've got me thinking...
Hmm. I had the opposite experience - I never believed in Santa. My mom was always very clear about those things, but I never had a problem believing in the spirit of those things, and I loved learning the real stories behind why we have those traditions.
My mom felt that belief in Santa was just a way to be needlessly disappointed. She was very poor growing up, and when one of her siblings thought he was to blame for not getting what he wanted, she decided it just wasn't the right thing to teach her kids.
I always felt like it was really natural not to believe. It was never a big deal to me, because while I was familiar with the tradition, and we heard the stories and had gifts from "Santa," we always knew it was my parents. I'm really not sad about that.
It's a story, just like anything in a book. To this day, I love books and stories. And I ended up being a writer too :). I probably won't have my kids believe in Santa, but of course I'll tell them about it just like any story.
I want my kids to know, too, that I will always tell them the truth. I don't want to lie to them and guide their beliefs falsely as a fun tradition. Lying to your son about Santa you run the risk of his losing his faith in you to some degree. You wouldn't lie to him about anything else - why not be honest about Santa?
That doesn't mean you have to put the kibosh on anything Santa-y, but if he asks sometime, I wouldn't hesitate to be 100% honest.
And that's my history and two cents.
Reading your post I couldn't help but think about the new 148th ward bishop. He wouldn't let us have Santa at the ward party because he didn't want to confuse the kids. He pointed out that children get confused- if Santa isn't real after all is Jesus really real? Mom and Dad have been teaching me both. I haven't seen either etc. So, no Santa at Church functions. At first I was sad- no Santa for Eliza to burst into tears over and all, but then I "got" a little of what he was saying.
Growing up on the younger side of the family I just always thought Santa was a fun story/game to play during the holidays. Israel said last week "Santa's just pretend right?" and I didn't disagree, I just told him he was a smart boy. Yesterday though when we discovered he was loosing a tooth I did tell him about the tooth fairy. I just don't make a big deal about Santa or the Easter bunny etc. and make it more like a fun holiday thing. We try to focus on Jesus at Christmas and giving gifts like the wisemen etc.
Good luck on what you decide. Oh the choices of parenthood . . .
I am one of those awful parents who has let her 5 and 3 year old know the truth about Santa Claus. Jeremy and I also had this issue a few years ago and decided that we wanted them to know the truth. However, we have tried to stress to them that the magic of Santa Claus is very real. When you look at who the real St. Nick was and the wonderful things he accomplished, his example is the true meaning of Christmas. We have tried hard to show our children how to possess the magic of Christmas and Santa by giving them a chance to give and serve as the Savior would. This is the first year that they have really been old enough to understand that Christmas is a great time to serve and love as the Savior loves and serves us. We try to make that attitude the most prominent at Christmas. This year, we went and got about $20 in change and one dollar bills that we let our children give (gradually) to the Bell Ringers for the Salvation Army every time we go to the store, and they were also a part of choosing an Ornament off of the Giving tree at church. This way they are an active part of the magic of Christmas. Watching them get excited about putting a few coins in the bell ringers bucket, or exciting a stranger with a gift from the giving tree is just as powerful magic as any man who stuffed himself down a chimney. Besides, although my 5 year old knows the truth, I know a part of his heart truly believes in Santa Claus. I don't try to squash that. We just stress that Santa Claus knows that Christmas is Jesus' birthday and that he chooses to celebrate the way Heavenly Father and Jesus would have us celebrate. Believe it or not, Connor and Parker both understand the concept pretty well. You'll figure out your own way to celebrate. I might just be a stick in the mud though. We also only give our children 3 gifts like the Savior. Good Luck!
I always believed in magical things and to a point, I still do. My perspective is the only thing that has changed. I think magic exists - only it is executed by the simple and oridinary person. It is the ordinary person that brings the magic of Santa, the tooth fairy, and the easter bunny to life. It the is the simple and ordinary person who performs most of God's greatest miracles. We are all just instruments to things we can't see or touch, and I can't imagine a world without magic and the hope of things.
So I have chosen to let my kids believe in Santa until they figure it out (though, if all their friends know or he/she seriously questions it, I will let him in on the secret). But I believe that Santa makes Christmas so much more fun and can be a great teaching tool later on. I'm up front with my son now when he asks for stuff. I say, "I don't know what Santa will bring. He can't bring everything we ask for". As parents, it hurts to not give a child everything they want - and most know it wouldn't be good to give them everything either. I think it's the same for our Heavenly Father. I'm sure He would want to give us everything we asked for, but He also gives to us in wisdom. Doesn't mean He loves us any less. Doesn't mean He doesn't exist because He didn't give us something we prayed for. But it all teaches us hope and faith. We hope that the desires of our hearts will be granted - we have faith that God exists and will give us what we ask for, just as we hope that Santa will bring that toy train, train table, and a pool with a red slide.
I probably got a little off topic there, but I was just thinking of the real point I was trying to make, which is - Christmas isn't really about Santa, but about Jesus. Santa is fun and can be used to teach our kids symbolism and gospel principles, but as long as he takes a back seat to the real reason for the season, I don't think my kids are going to be too terribly upset when they figure out the real source of the gifts under the tree.
I am one that has decided that I will tell my kids what is true about the whole Santa thing as soon as they ask. Ethan has known the truth behind Santa for about 3 years now. When my kids ask questions, I always reply with, "What do you think?" or "How do you think that works?". If they have got it figured out, I simply tell them that they are right, and if they don't I say, "That sounds like a really cool theory".
When it comes to things of a spiritual nature, I absolutely see your deliema. This is why I have chosen to not push the Santa thing really far, because I don't want my kids to be confused either. Some kids are, and some kids are not. The trouble is that you never know which type of kid you have or how they will react to the news.
The other problem is that they will have to question the existance of God on their own at some point. You just need to arm them as best you can for that time. I feel that making a clear difference between what is real, and what is not prepares them better for that time.
My parents told me about the truth behind the Santa facade when I was about six years old, and I never felt that the magic of the season was lost on me at all.
Best of luck to you!
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